Growth

It's a slow process
this learning.

The thing is pushing itself on me
surrounding me
and I say I get it! I get it!
and evangelize it

But it's soil and sun and water.
It's not lightning bolt magic.

I grow slowly
in cold and hot, dry and wet.
I assimilate,
become.

And one sweet evening I sit alone
looking beyond the pages of a book
and a glass of wine
through the window
at the sun soaked green
and feel the coolness of my skin
and know

I am greener now.
I have dug deep during the hard days
soaked up what I could
discovering who I am
and deciding that it's good.
When it rains hard, I bounce back
and when the sun shines
I glow.

Afterward.

It's over for me.

I hear songs in my head, but they are only echoes.

I remember words, but they are only

noises attached to a feeling that is long gone.

I feel now that this waiting

is all that's left.

I will raise my children.

I will hope that their time will be

Fuller, real-er, longer.

I pray that they will find a Home on the earth

That lasted longer than mine did.

They will have to find their own way there-

I have lost the map.

Middle Game

The pawns move forward only to block forward movement by black.
Trapped.
The bishop slides across the board tempting capture.
The queen holds ground waiting....waiting.

My days move on.
Not getting enough done, leaving it all till a day off.
I let it go, I play catch-up.
Which is fine, because after all
It's plowing through.
It's work.
Just keep moving.
It's just that the end game never comes.
When,
win or lose,
There is at least a hand shake and closure.

Super Duper

She asked me a simple question.
One that I'd rather not have had her ask
because it meant she knew.
What she knew now
was that I once,
so full of potential and spiritual purpose,
am a disappointment
and a cynical one at that.
Awesome.

enough

It is not enough.

Not enough to dream of pretty things.

To think of happy things.

It is not enough.

It is not enough to look right.

act right.

talk right. Ahem. Speak correctly.

It is not enough.

It is not enough.

Enough with the not enough.

Give me Jesus.

Nonetimes.

I am sometimes poetic.

Sometimes profound.

Sometimes amusing-

Fun to be around

Sometimes useful

Sometimes clear.

But tonight I'm

Not one of those things, I fear.

March 6

oh so gently, gracefully

she pawed at my leg

and I a little father up

in the hierarchy of needs

knew she wanted affection

she jumped up and faced the other way

and I saw in this

a need for companionship

and a simultaneous desire

for independence.

I was struck by the depths of feeling

this pup was capable of

Until I looked where she was looking.

Her water dish was empty.

And when I filled it,

She was complete.

And I

was jealous.